Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Rant: The Bluetooth Blues

Style and fashion lovers all around the world, there is a serious plague making it's way around the world right now. Hundreds - even thousands - have already caught this gross and unseemly disease, and it is likely to continue wreaking havoc throughout our city streets. Do whatever you can to protect yourself before it's too late. I've seen many a friend infected, and it breaks my heart that they didn't know better.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I think a short story is called for. The time: about a year or two ago. The place: Safeway. I was in line at the Pharmacy, picking up what I'm sure was my inhaler, when the lady behind me started speaking randomly. I was so confused. Why did this complete stranger feel inclined to make conversation with me? Call me cold-hearted, but I wasn't there to make small talk. My one-track mind said 'pick up the medicine and jet.' I turned around to give her a confused look, and to my surprise, she wasn't even looking at me. Oddly enough, however, she continued talking. It was only then that I noticed this plastic tumor-like protrusion at her ear, with a tiny flashing blue light.

Bluetooth-Date! I know one guy who's not getting any.

Bluetooth headsets mark the beginning of the end of mankind. Don't get me wrong, I think they're quite useful. I even have one! I have used it when driving, and I used to use it to talk to my best friend while I unpacked my luggage whenever I went back to my dorm after a weekend at home. But mark my words, I will NEVER be seen in public wearing it.

If you are one of those people who wear their bluetooth headsets in public, please take this into consideration. Do you not realize how crazy you seem standing in the middle of a grocery store or the mall talking to yourself? Do you realize how stupid you look when you aren't talking to someone on that thing, yet keep it attached to your ear? Do you not realize that wearing one in public does not make you look sophisticated or smarter? Every time I see someone wearing these ridiculous things, I fall to my knees in prayer, hoping that God will take away this gross disfigurement.

Yes, it's Dolce & Gabbana. But there is a time and place. Out in public isn't one of them.

Are we really at that place in history where we are too lazy to hold a phone up to our ears for a few minutes? I can understand if cellphones looked like bricks, circa Zach Morris on Saved By the Bell. But phones are getting smaller and smaller with each passing day. If you don't want to hold it up to your ear with your hand, just keep it there with your head and use your hands as you see fit. No wonder the United States is the most obese country in the world! We do everything we can to use absolutely no energy at all. If you wear your bluetooth like one of these idiots I've talked about above, you deserve to be fat and gross looking.

And if this is what 'the future' looks like, I opt to stay in the past, where I won't look like a blithering fool.

Thank you & Goodnight.

Photo Credits 1 2 3


Kristine. said...

stfu, anthony. that d&g bluetooth is AWESOME.

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